I’m sitting in my room.  It’s late and I’m surrounded by a cocoon of soft white screen glare.  I finally chose to get healed.  it’s been hard letting go of the anger, but I did it.  I’m not mad at you, or me, or you either.  I can close my eyes and be happy with myself, imagine my life with without you and not feel sad.  I’m closing a door and opening another.

I close my eyes and see myself with the big belly I would have had and don’t feel negatively.  I don’t feel I’m being punished.  I don’t feel fat.  I feel whole, vibrant, full of potential.. Just because there is potential doesn’t mean it needs to be fulfilled, but maybe just merely acknowledged.

In my vision, I am tan and sitting cross-legged in underwear and fluffy socks.  My belly is warm and firm and I feel like an ancient figure.  Perfusing, breathing, emanating- you are all of those things and I am still and whole.  I am not sad.  I’m not afraid.  If it happens again, it will be because I chose it.

I won’t fear growing older. I won’t fear what will happen to my body, because I know in this moment I am perfect.  Time is a circle, and I’ve learned this much- what goes around comes back around.  I will see you again.

**painting to follow**


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